Charisse's Life

Blah Blah Blah


i cant sleep and Gavin is sleeping
walking down isle
reccie
What does the 5th text in your inbox​ say?
try and get some sleep

Think ​back to the last person ​you held hands with, would ​you kiss them?​​
Yes it was Jeff

What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?​​
Gavin's Pic

Are you drifting away from any friend?​​
Yes

What are you listening to?
Harry Potter And the Deathly Hallows on CD

Which​ one of your cousins is closest to you in age?
Derrik...havent seen him in years though

What are you doing ​tonight?​​
Takin care of Gavin and hopefully get more than 4 hrs of sleep

Do you miss anyone?​​
Yes

Are you wearing socks​?​​
No

Do you have anything in your pockets right now?
wearing a skirt without pockets

Who's your last text from?​​
myspace alert

Are you comfortable answering personal questions?​​
nothing really to hide

Would you ever donate blood​?​​
cant

Someone on your mind right now?
a few people

Would​ you consider yourself to be spoiled?​​
i would say so

Who was the last person to sit on your bed?
me

Where ​were you at 2:02 this morning?​​
actually i was asleep....20 min later i was up with the baby

Anyone told you a secret this week?​​
no

When was the last time you bought something?​​
yesterday at walmart had to get dipers

Do you play an instrument?​
Piano...flute

In the next 5 months what are you looking forward to?
Gavin sleeping more...and in 5 months it will be a year that my boyfriend and i have been together

Name something that made you smile ​today.​​
Gavin's facial expressions

Does a kiss make you feel better when you're angry?​​
ususally makes me more mad

Was this New Year's enjoyable?​​
i dont remember...long time ago

Where​ do you think ​your best friend is right now?
they should be at work

Are you listening to music ​right​ now?
no

Do you wish you were somewhere else?​​
nah

Is something bothering you right​ now?
Yes...im tired but cant sleep

Have you ever walked on the beach​ at night​?​​
ofcourse

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?​​
yes....they have been very helpful with Gavin

Do you have a best friend you can lean on?
Yes

What was the first​ thing ​you thought this morning?​​
why am i wake at this time

Where​ were you Saturday night?​​
with my boyfriend

Do you prefer to call or text?​​
text

Remember the first ​time you kissed the last person you kissed?​​
yes....

Ever stayed up all night ​on the phone?​​
yes

Why did you last cry?
I cry at the drop of a hat...im so hormonal and tired...last time i cried was because....my boyfriend said he loved me..

What's your favorite season?​​
fall....right before it gets really cold

Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never ​do?
sometimes

Do you believe exes can be friends?
not really...well...none of my ex's


hes here
walking down isle
reccie
 October 30th at 12:42 after two days of false labor then 15 hrs of real labor Gavin Roger William joined the Roberts family.  I had a walking epi but the dose was not strong enough so they had to come back in and redo my dosage. Pain still is not my thing. I had not realized that even with the epi that the burning of pushing would kill me. I dont really remember what all happened when it came time to push but everyone in the room was telling me to calm down and to just bear through it. They put o2 on my face and the midwife in the room almost climbed on top of me to get me to focus and push. I have been told I just quit for a while and they got really worried. But I did it. He was 6lbs and 10 oz. 19 inches long and a 13inch head. He is the most beautiful boy in my world. I had 2 diffrent nurses stay after their shift to help me with my labor and to see him and also the hospital midwife decided to stay 3 extra hours because she wanted to be there when he was born as well. My parents were there - my boyfriend of 7 months was there and a good friend of mine was also there. 
Its hard being a single parent. Gavin does not like to sleep at night. Hes up fuzzy and refusing to be calmed. Even when I was still in the hospital the nurses would not be able to calm him at night so I did not get alot of rest in the hospital. Here at home my mom has helped alot at night. I cry alot and cant wait for these hormones to get out of my system. Hell my boyfriend tells me he loves me and im choked up and all teary eyed. This is not the kinda person I am....but I would never trade my baby boy with any amount of sanity or sleep. I think i just need a support group to lean on and tell me im not a bad monther cause my son wont sleep at night. Also along with the single parenting thing the father of my son has not even tried to come see him. He texted once after I got hold of him with a text about Gavin being born. He just responded with "ok". Thats made me really emotional. Hes such an ass. anyway....on to happier things....
I have a heathy baby boy and a wonderful family and a great boyfriend. 







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goodbyes
walking down isle
reccie
 Ive had a lot of time to think about death lately. I never think about it but I wonderful teacher of mine passed away this past Tuesday and the funeral was today. Maybe its just the hormones and the emotions of being preg...but Ive been thinking about it. Its so weird to think one min your here and the next your not. Completely unknowing whats going on around you. 
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wonderful packages
walking down isle
reccie
I got a wonderful suprise the other day. I got a package....filled with all kinds of goodies. Clothes and bath puppets and rubber duckies. However it was missing something....a card...a letter....or even a name. I have no idea who sent me a package and I feel bad cause I  cant say thank you.


tired
survive
reccie
 Im so tired. So very very tired.
Im tired of caring around this extra weight....
tired of peeing every 30 or so mins
tired of being moody
tired of people walking up to me rubbing my belly
tired of never being comfortable
tired of being swollen
tired of having no energy
tired of hating all food
tired of not sleeping on my belly
tired of crying over every damn thing
tired of people giving me advice when they dont have any idea what im going through
tired of not having a sex drive
tired of back pain
tired of not standing up without help
tired of the looks i get a church because im an unwed preg girl
tired of boob tenderness
tired of people asking stupid questions
tired of never looking good
tired of having no clothes that fit
tired of waiting.....
Son....im tired....when are you coming out?
Mom needs new things to be tired of.....but right now....its just that im in so much pain all the time....and comfort never comes.....Im physically ready for you to get out of her belly....yes i know when you get here it wont get easier...but i really would love to be able to sit down...or lay down...or hell even stand up and not be in pain.....

what the hell?????????
walking down isle
reccie
Ok what the hell is going on? This week..2 of my serious ex's have tried to get hold of me. One through myspace and the other through hi5. Both are leaving me message about how they have been thinking of me and lately they have been missing me. WHAT THE HELL???!!!???!!!??? They both had found out I was preg and they both have stated that they wish it was them that had gotten me preg and that they would have loved to have a family with me. REALLY WHAT THE HELL???!!!??? Both of these guys have were a huge part of my life. With one of them I was ready to run away with and get married.... I dont want all these thoughts anymore.... ive put them to rest in my head.... im just remembering the good times... damn me... and my brain...
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25 Things You Did Not Know About Me
walking down isle
reccie
1. I love the feel of clean fresh sheets on my naked body.
2. I think the reason why God made me a big girl is because if I was skinny and "perfect" I would be half naked and dress like a whore all the time.
3. I collect Tea Pots
4. If I won the lottery/megabucks/a million dollars, I wouldn't quit my job.
5. I love the smell of gasoline
6. I bake when I have alot to think about.
7. I'm a daddy's girl.
8. I'd rather be givin a potted plant rather than cut flowers
9. I'd rather be a passenger than the driver.
10. My favorite days are the ones I spend at home watching tv/movies with my boyfriend
11. I think you should never be to old for dress up!
12. I hate clothes shopping.
13. I feel incredibly guilty about not being able to let my cat move in with me in my new apartment.
14. I love roller coasters...but am scared to death of Ferris Wheels
15. Even though I wont admit it I love Greys Anatomy. (my boyfriend made me put this in)
16. I cant stand wine...however a cold beer is wonderful and my fave drink is a Long Island Iced Tea. (yes its been a while and it will be a while longer till I can have one again)
17. Frogs are my fave animal or living thing, however you wanna say it
18. Even though I hate who the father is....I love being preg.
19. I despise folding socks, it makes me crazy. lol
20. I love going to Disney - Id love to go to Disney World for a week or hell even longer...
21. I dont really like Chinese food
22. I wish I knew more people on Livejournal
23. I love to be the first one to use the butter container - the first to make a dent in the creamy surface
24. I love claw foot tubs
25. Ive always dreamed of a fall wedding

its not fair
walking down isle
reccie
 Its so not fair. there are so many people out there that are more deserving have having a child than i am. Im going to be a single mom. I dont have a great life for this child to come into and yet here he comes in a few....And yet people that have families and are a complete family for this child arnt having a baby. its not fair. Tears for you.......
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changes
walking down isle
reccie
 Ok so Im back to square one. The name I wanted for my son has been taken from me......well kinda. Tyler is out due to my parents. They know to many Tylers. And then the name Nathaniel has been ruined for me. My mom's best friend's son Grant's middle name is also Nathaniel. So....i start the search again. I know I have 2 months left. But the name is the hardest part. I dont know how to start again. No names are fitting. Lol. One of my students at school is all the time giving me ideas for names. Yesterday he went through a bunch of names but none of them where anything I was going to pick...so finally he give up looked at me and told me to name my son "Oops". I about fell out of my chair laughing. If only he really knew. Lol. He did not understand why it was so funny to me. But I got a huge laugh out of it. So....friends of mine....help me out...give me ideas....I dont want a common name. I need to start making lists again...and right now my list involves....

Josiah
Cole
Colton
Adrian

One of his middle names is going to be William (due to the father)
And his last name is going to be Roberts. (my son WILL have my last name)

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Issues
walking down isle
reccie
Ok...so I have issues...and I know this. Its something I really need to get over. But I think it will help to write about it. 
I have a wonderful, awesome, caring, close, sister-like, bestest friend in the world. She just found out that she is preg. I am so excited for her. Im so happy for her. I love that this has happened to her and her husband. 
The problem is that Im alittle jealous of her. I have awesome support. I have a wonderful family, I have Sukwatt to rely on, I have a wonderful boyfriend (who is not the baby's father) and a really great blog community. However, I think about how my son wont have a "family" as such as we call "normal". At this moment i detest, avoid all contact, and not quite hate but I have no respect for my sons father. I really wish that my son would have the "family" every child needs. 
Also, Im having a child out of wed lock, much less with a man that is married to another woman. Im not the "good christian" girl people thought i was. I hate going to church and getting the judging looks. A "good girl"  doesnt have sex before marriage. 
Another thing is that Im having a black man's  baby. I have been kinda disowned by my own southern family due to this issue. "How dare I ever pro-create with a black man much less be with him in a sexual way." Which makes me sad that they are goign to miss out on seeing their first great grand child.
I love hearing about how my friend's husband is all supportive and there and happy. I just keep reliving over and over in my head how Jr wanted me to have an abortion. How he did not want a child. How he has a wife and a child already. How Jr is a lying bastard and how he really doesnt give a rats ass about his son. 
I know my friend is reading this. I had her sign up with Livejournal cause i love this place. I dont want you to stop anything your doing or sharing. I just wanted to let you know how i feel and try to work this out in my own heart. There might be times when I get distant. but know its not against you. Its totally on my own head and my issues.  I love you lots.
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